BY Tim - May 17, 2011
I just received this open letter, and thought I should pass it on…
“Dear Ugandan Legislature,
We just wanted to write and tell you how grateful we are that you haven’t completely abandoned the proposed anti-gay legislation. You guys are the best! Here’s why:
You care about the little people
We think it’s awesome that you take such an interest in our love lives. Politicians are supposed to only worry about the big issues – but not you guys. You are so magnaminous and loving that, despite nearly 130 children per 1,000 dying before the age of five, child labour and marriage rates of 36% and 46% respectively, a life expectancy of just over 50, and over a quarter of the population being illiterate, you still take time out of your busy schedules to keep an eye on the freely-chosen bedrooom activities of a tiny subsection of the population. Thank you so much!
You are true to god’s word
Let’s be honest… with 96% of our population following either Jesus or Mohammad, it’s pretty clear that, as a country, we think god is pretty awesome. And whether you follow Jesus or Mohammad, the rule is the same – homosexuality is a sin.
It’s just such a shame that we can’t get this through our heads! We just can’t help thinking that, as an activity that affects no one but the two people involved, and only adds to the amount of happiness in the world, it really can’t be that bad. But, thankfully, we have you here to save us from our vile temptations, and remind us that it is that bad, and we need to be put to death for it. You are smart enough to know that an eternity in hell isn’t punishment enough, and for that we are thankful!
Also, we just wanted to say… the bible says it’s better to give than to receive, and we think that’s tops.
You are diligent
You ran out of time this time, but we know you will follow your hearts, and reintroduce the bill later in the year.
You have an eye for detail
It is just awesome that you singled out disabled homosexuals for a special mention. All of our disabled members were rather chuffed that you remembered them!
You aren’t hypocritical
We know that there is no chance that any of you are closet homosexuals, and, even if some of you are caught in homosexual relationships, you will all have valid reasons that don’t apply to the rest of us. Probably along the lines of “I tripped while walking naked down the alley and landed on that gay man’s penis”.
In conclusion… see you at the gallows, and fuck you.
The Gays of Uganda”