The Good. The Bad. The Asinine.

It’s the trees, stupid

You may have missed it, but Australian Christian Lobby’s Jim Wallace was given an opportunity to parade his incoherent buffoonery on Sunrise earlier this week. The bad news is that his microphone was working, but the good news is that I managed to obtain the full transcript of exclusive, behind the scenes footage not shown on television!

So here it is…
_____

Jim:
So what should I say today? I don’t know why, but I’m thinking I should try and throw something in about trees.

Jim’s media adviser:
Two words for you, Jim – word salad.

Jim:
Salad’s for pooftas!

Adviser:
Yes, yes, but don’t use that word.

Jim:
There’s another word for salad?

Adviser:
Probably – but it’s too late to start learning new words. You know you can’t learn anything after 7am.

Jim:
Learning’s for pooftas!

Adviser:
Quite. Anyway, remember when you were just a humble speechwriter for Miss Carolina Teen USA?

Jim:
Ah, those were word salad days… some of my best stuff. “I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and the Iraq everywhere like such as, and I believe that they should, our education over HERE in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help the Iraq and the Asian countries, so we will be able to build up our future, for our children”. Haha, gold.

Adviser:
Exactly. So just substitute “the Iraq” for “marriage” and “maps” for “Jesus” and you’ll be fine. Oh, and try not to come across as a dick this time.

Jim:
Dicks are for pooftas!

Kochie:
What was that, Jim?

Jim:
Nothing, Kochie, nothing! Let’s do this, shall we?

[Now follows the bit that was actually shown on TV…]

Kochie:
So, Jim, why is the church so against same sex marriage?

Jim:
Well, ah, Kochie, the reality is that, ah, the scriptures are very clear about the fact that, ah, Jesus and ah, you know, when people become a Christian it’s an individual and a personal experience but from that point on we try to live more like Jesus would want us to, and certainly in the scriptures it’s very clear that, ah, he wouldn’t have ordained homosexual marriage. Now, the reason though is couched, ah, in the natural and that is that, ah, whether you believe that god created nature or whether you believe that there was nothing at all exploded and then there was everything the reality is that in this issue that it still takes the involvement of a man and a woman to create a child and therefore we have nature prescribing that a man and a woman, ah, should be involved in the creation of a child and should be involved in the nurturing of that child as it’s natural order and I find it absolutely amazing that at a time in our history when we’re jumping through hoops to try to make sure that every tree on the planet, ah, has its natural environment so it can flourish that we would be challenging the definition of marriage which creates exactly that environment for a child requiring that it’s between a man and a woman and that they should live to the exclusion of all others and for as long as they both shall live.

[Rest of interview]

[Off air]

Jim:
Man, that Dr Phelps chick is stupid. She couldn’t even respond to my trees argument!

Adviser:
Yeah, what was that argument again?

Jim:
Trees, silly! Treeees.

Adviser:
Brilliant.

Jim:
Brilliance is for pooftas! Wait… scratch that one.

Category: Asinine, Homophobia

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2 Responses

  1. Jimbo says:

    Don’t you think that there should also be a third map which documents the number of states that allow two rangas to marry? Surely this is the true measure of tolerance?

  2. Jimbo says:

    Sorry all – that reply was meant for the most recent post…me no techno junky…

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