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Cory Bernardi Wants To Protect Us From Dead Infant Grifters

Cory Bernardi

Last night, ‘hard-of-thinking’ politics attained new depths. The long time frontrunner for the Cognitive Dysfunction in Politics Award,  Cory Bernardi, decided to clear up any misapprehensions the public might have had about tragically drowned toddlers and their refugee status. In a typically eloquent and closely-reasoned ‘speech’, Bernardi set us straight by pointing out that the family of Aylan Kurdi were basically grifters, hell-bent on fraudulently obtaining dental treatment from Canada.

Bernardi stated that the Kurdi family couldn’t possibly be refugees because they had lived in Turkey for three years and were in “no danger” and “in no persecution”. I’m not sure how someone can be “in persecution”, but I think I know what he means. He’s pointing out that a Kurdish family who has fled the wartorn town of Kobani could not possibly be anything but perfectly happy and safe in a country that has absolutely no record of persecuting or oppressing Kurds. Like Turkey. No, wait – sorry… I always get confused on that one. No, Turkey is the one that does persecute Kurds. He must have been thinking of Kurdistan. No… that’s wrong too. Kurdistan isn’t a country. It’s a Turkish shelling target. Help me out here: what’s a country that doesn’t persecute or oppress Kurds? Oh yeah – Canada! And according to Senator Bernardi, they’ve got pretty good dental too.

So, leaving aside the fact that the only place a Kurd is likely to be less safe than Turkey is in a trench 700 meters from ISIS territory, and that the Kurdi family had been so happy and safe in Turkey that they had made three previous attempts to leave and that they had extended family in Canada who were willing to sponsor them – leaving all that aside, Bernardi has hit the nail on the head. They obviously had no reason to try for Canada except fraudulent fluoride thievery and country shopping.

These people are basically con artists, cleverly contriving to be born in future war-zones as members of persecuted ethnic minorities in order to scam first world countries out of dentistry. It’s obvious, when you think about it. I can’t believe how stupid we’ve been all this time. I mean, here we were, thinking that a dead child on a beach might be some kind of tragic symbol for the plight of refugees fleeing from an internal conflict that we encouraged and are now considering escalating, but we couldn’t be more wrong. Apparently, a drowned child is simultaneously an advertisement for “Stop the Boats” and the grim harbinger of a flood of fake refos who are not our problem or responsibility in any way.

Thanks for clearing that up Cory! Where would we be without you? You know what, why don’t we find out? Why don’t we just locate and identify everyone who voted for you and swap you and them on a one for one basis with the people who are living in squalor in refugee camps, tunnels and train stations from Calais to Suruc. Then we’ll see where we are.

I’m willing to bet it’ll be a better, kinder and far less embarrassing place than where we are right now.

Category: Asinine, Politics

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  1. […] nations, but it will be compounded exponentially by the very describable idiocy of comfy Westerners questioning his motives. Say hello, Cory Bernadi. You ignorant, amoral, […]

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