The Good. The Bad. The Asinine.

The best reason for moving Australia Day

Remember when women weren’t allowed to vote and then they asked if they could vote and everyone kicked up a huge stink and said women were ridiculous for wanting to vote because women shouldn’t be allowed to vote so we all fought tooth and nail to not let women vote? But they kept on asking and after many years of struggle we finally let them vote and even though we said that letting women vote would be the worst thing ever after a couple of weeks we all forgot about it and since then no one has ever suggested that women shouldn’t vote? Remember?

Remember when black people in America didn’t want to be slaves anymore and so they asked if they could not be slaves anymore and the people with slaves said “Yeah nah we like you being slaves” and so they kept them as slaves? But black people kept on asking not to be slaves and then eventually the entire USA went to war about it and after 600,000 people had died it was decided that black people shouldn’t be slaves and even though the slave-owners said it would be the worst thing ever if black people weren’t slaves no one has ever suggested that black people should be slaves again? Remember?

Remember when gay people wanted to get married but we didn’t want them to get married so we said they couldn’t get married? And then after years of struggle we spent $120m on a national vote to decide on the private lives of complete strangers and we ended up allowing gay people to marry and even though the people against marriage equality said it would be the worst thing ever now that gay people are getting married there’s no one out there in the streets campaigning for gay people to stop getting married? Remember?

Remember when someone suggested moving to the decimal system and everyone complained but we did it anyway and now no one cares? Remember when Facebook changed the format of your news feed and everyone complained and now no one cares? Remember when Coles and Woollies decided to ban single use plastic bags and everyone had a fit and now no one cares? Remember when countless other changes happened and everyone freaked out because people love freaking out about things before realising they don’t really care? Remember?

Remember when Indigenous Australians asked really nicely if we could celebrate our great nation on a day that didn’t also happen to be the anniversary of the day we invaded? And then everyone had a hissy fit and we said no but they kept on asking and after having the same argument 20 years in a row we eventually just moved it and now no one freaking cares? Remember?

Me either. Because it hasn’t happened yet. But it will.

So why don’t we just save ourselves some time and money and Sky News diatribes and just move the damn day. The people who want it moved will be grateful. And the people who don’t… well… pretty soon they just won’t care.

Which isn’t surprising. Because they never really did.