The Good. The Bad. The Asinine.

10 Questions for Harold Camping

1. Where is today’s countdown video? I miss you!

2. What’s the age cut-off for automatic rapture? I mean, I assume all new-borns will be raptured, but what about one or two year olds?

3. Are only the children of Christian parents raptured? What about a one day old child with Muslim parents? What about the six week old embryo of a Jesus-hating atheist?

4. Will blastocysts also be raptured, and if so, will said blastocst exit the mother via the belly-button or vagina?

5. Will you be compensating couples who have their frozen embryos raptured?

6. Will conjoined twins be separated at rapture time, or will they have to stick together in heaven?

7. I’m pretty sure I have nits. And a tapeworm. Will my nits and tapeworm be removed before rapture? I hope so… I don’t want to be made fun of on my first day in heaven.

8. What if I change my mind about getting raptured when I’m, say, ten metres off the ground? Will Jesus just unceremoniously dump me, or place me down gently?

9. I’m curious about the zombies. If I completely remove a zombie’s head, will that stop them being raptured, or will they simply respawn, like in Call of Duty games?

10. You said that you arrived at 21 May 2011 by adding 722,500 days to 1 April 33. Does it bother you that your calculations are actually 11 days out? (one day because you are supposed to count the first day or the last day, but not both, and 10 days because when they changed from the Julian to the Gregorian calendar, Thursday, 4 October 1582 was followed by Friday, 15 October 1582)

Category: Asinine, Religion


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